


Is that Obito’s dick?

by dvl, Ozaz



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Cocaine, Crack, Crack Almost Treated Seriously, Crackfic high school au nobody asked for, F/F, F/M, I can’t believe we wrote 3k words of this, LOTS of spelling errors, M/M, Memes, Multi, Other, Stale memes, Too many things to tag so I’m just not going to tag them, but the crackfic high school au they’re getting anyway, gen z humor ig, its a joke, lots of (ironic?) swearing, obitos dick, purposeful spelling errors, some things are offensive if you’re kinda sensitive, spicy as heck, this is a crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 20:16:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15714324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dvl/pseuds/dvl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ozaz/pseuds/Ozaz
Summary: “Art is an explosion, bitches. If you can’t unsderstand that then you can’t take this class.” He flipped his long ass hair over his shoulder.“I don’t understand senpai” a retard named tobito said from the back of the class. Deidara knocked him out with his weave.“any more stupid questions and the whole school is getting bombed, n’yall.” Deidara announced in his southern weeb accent.





	Is that Obito’s dick?

**Author's Note:**

> this was funnier at 2 am
> 
> this is IRONIC HUMOR stop taking it seriously we’re begging y’all

Nadro walked into school. “Sup loseres”

He saw a hot emo from across the rom whose pants were leather and checkered on one side just the way naroto liked them. His eleven inch dick was instantly hard. 

Shikamaru I mean shitkamaru spoke up.  
“What a drag (race).” He was too busy starting a meninist group to notice the instant sexual tension between the furry emo bitch and the literal sun in the solar system

“Did someone mention drags” deidara strut in. Shikamaru looked at deidara and cried like a little bitch

“No we were talking about yiff you fucking bing bong” the emo fag spoke. Neruto decided that the emos looks were worth orgasming for but his personality was a pile of shit. Right up norto’s alley

Nardo steppes up and introduces himself. “I’m narte and this is my first day please be gentle” He moaned on the spot when his gaze met the spiky hair emo cunt

“My dick when I look at you is harder than all of the hair gel I put in my hair every day. Myname is sasookie” the furfag said in his best screamo voice

Rardo looked at him with lust. “Fuck me daddy” he groaned. The class stRted crying. Deidara cut off his entire arm with his weave and blew it up

They all did the nartuko run to mr cockasshee hats room. He was drawing his not-so-dead fiancé obeeto’s dick on the board.

He turned around to let out an awful curse, flashing multiple gang signs. “detention no justu”

They nuruto ran from him in horror, narrowly escaping cockasshee’s knives carved into the shape of his fiancé’s dick being thrown at their heads

The bell rang and haruto stepped out into the hallway. His next class is meth with his favorite teacher (he decided when he saw the name) Mr. Dude

Mr dude had a black bowl cut and wore a green jumpsuit, he definitely taught more than half of the classes at this shitfuck little konoha school for the headass youth.

“I don’t know numbers very well but I can make some meth. youth” mr dude was awesome

“Fave class” emo bitch screamed as narod nodded in agreement. 

“Bet I could make you scream louder” came a voice from behind Neutron as he turned and saw orocheemarew and cabbage gangbang emo furry.

“This is so hot I wanna join” nredo gasped. He came in his pants as he saw the cabbage patch kids fuck the fursuit enthusiast

“SCREAMO SHITFUCK IS MINE” a pink hairde gorl named useless stood up. The ground didn’t even deem her useful enough so she started to float

No one cared. She useless.

“This is the most youthful meth class mr dude” the kid who looked exactly like mr dude said. He then turned around and started doing squats. “419… 420… blaze it my dudes” he screamed as the bell rang. The bell wasn’t actually a bell it was just another teacher uminhoe irukhoe screaming into the PA system for five minutes 

Oruchakaro and his little bitch Carrot Toe stood and went to go have 10 more children to complete their human centipede. 

The bell rang. Fo shizzle this time. Shikafagru thought class would never end because of how much of a fucking drag it was

Nard went to his next class, art.

Deidara was teaching. “Art is an explosion, bitches. If you can’t unsderstand that then you can’t take this class.” He flipped his long ass weave over his shoulder.

“I don’t understand senpai” a retard named tobito said from the back of the class. Deidara knocked him out with his weave.

“ anymore fuckass questions and the whole school is getting bombed, n’yall.” deidara announced in his southern weeb accent

“This is one big fucking drag” shikamaru announced looking at a life size cardboard cutout of deidara

Tobito jumped on the desk. “I love you senpai” he started being himself (a retard)

Deidara blew him up. Tobito’s dick landed on the table. 

“This is obeeto’s dick!!!!!!!!” Kakashie said, pronouncing the exclamation marks too

Then another teacher assuma arrived, hitting his head on the ass door frame. It was regulation in konoha school to make the frames 6’9” ft. He made eye contact with a teacher with purple eyeshadow from 2006 and red contacts 

“Now I’m pregnant” 2006 eyeshadow said.

“news.” Assuma agreed. Naruto jacked off to Russia’s soccer mascot under the table as cuntfag emo held the phone

They stood there for a few decafebes until assuma spotted the dick on the table. “Is that obeeto’s dick”

“Yes it is” kakashee cried, hugging it closer. “I wanna shove this so far up my ass I’ll be pulling it out of my empty eye socket tomorrow” 

“Why are there bombs tied to that floating unseless pink haired cunts head?” 2006 inquired 

“Art is an explosion” deidara reminded them. He flipped his weave into 3 studentz. They were instantly blinded

Nardetuto heard uminhoe urukhoe’s five minute warning screech and went to his locker where all of his shitfag friends were

“We heard you saw toebeeto’s dick in person” mr dude 2.0 said, doing curl ups on the hooks in the locker

“Yeah,” Nar agreed, “I did.” 

Kakasshee sashayed past holding the dick like a trophy.

Then was lumch.

Naruthoe saw emo furry sitting with his edgy 21 pilots friends and decided not to sit with those fags so he sat alone… or so he thought

He felt bitch ass sand in his hood, which was strange because he didn’t remember wearing this sweatshirt when he walked 40 days and 40 nights in the desert.

Then some hoe wrapped their stupid ass white ass grimy little pizza hands around his neck. 

“My name is mr red raccoon man. If you want to live to Fuck your furfag bf then give the the hot guy mr dude 2.0’s number”

“Sure it’s 1-800-fuck-bitches-get-youth” Netro replied to the crustass tomato looking little fuck with some weird ass marking on his forehead who checked the phone number.

“This is rOck bee are you here to book 69 hours of running with me???”

Raccoon ass hung up the phone and dropped nargudo

“This is the right number. You will see another day”

He lived bitch

Anyway nert went and sat on his bf’s hard dick. “I’m so close daddy” furry boy moaned, eating narufo’s ass for lonch

21 pilot #69 cried. “I thought I was your only bitch” her red hair turned more red. Her black glasses turned blacker.

Emo hairstyle cuntfuck glared. “You’re no ones bitch. You’re just a bitch.”

The rick and Morty ending theme played and everyone pressed F to pay their respects despite not even being able to comprehend the music. It was just too smart for them

narfudo sucked fagface screamo’s 170 inch monster dong under the table

“This is such a drag alexa play despacito” skikamaru said, spotting a banging blond next to mr rocket raccoon and a fag with weird face paint.

The actual bell went off and narduo made his next class 69 seconds early on his hoverboard

Mr dude taught this class. Oh yeah it was pe. Short for pterodactyl expectations

Mr dude came

“.” “.” “I’m mr dude and this is what to do when a pterodactyl steals your youth”

“Mr dude is naive. My fate is already sealed.” A twink with light purple eyes named Mr weave #2 spoke, flipping his weave into another student, efficiently knocking her out. “A pterodactyl already stole my youth from me. A pterodactyl in the form of my uncle.”

“Ok bitch muffin listen the fuck up. Nobody cares you stupid slut. Go cry to your weave” a little cunt with two round round ROUND buns on her head raged.

“Did your father die?” Nataro asked the purple eyed twinkface while furiously getting off to a 21 pilots and my chemical romance mashup

“My uncle killed him” fagface retard mr weave #2 said as he pulled out his itachi uchiha porn magz 

“I’m sorry for your I II II L” narumeme expressed through the power of his love for his big tiddy goth gf emo cuckbag

Mr dude grapevined up to the two fags. “youth.”

He grapevined away. 

The students walked out to the track with mr dude following them in a very hip souped up golf cart that could go 420 mph

Mr dude 2.0 ran all 4 laps around the shitty track carrying mr weave #2 and round bun bitch.

“Carrying his team as usual” mr dude said while driving next to mr dude 2.0 the entire time 

“mr dude I could outrun 69 more pterodactyls without breaking a sweat” mr dude no. 2 proclaimed. He began to do sit ups in the air in between every step.

Red raccoon sandman did nothing but sit there staring at mr dude 2.0’s ass through a giant hardened ball of sand shaped like a dick. 

“God I wish that were me” raccoon man said, jacking off as he watched mr weave #2 and bitch buns in mr dude 2.0’s NICE arms

mr dude jumpsquatted to the front of the track. “youth we must go”

the rest of the class jumpsquatted after mr dude back to the fuckass school. Nutroe was too cool to do that so he rode his hoverboard

Uminhoe irukhoe went over the PA again (apparently he runs out of his classroom as soon as there is 6 minutes left of class. like clockwork) and the bell soon rang. Nrako never thought he would get out of Pterodactyl Expectations. 

The next class was actually uminhoe urukhoes class; English-Japanese mashup

Norko hoverboarded in 420 seconds late rolling a backwood blunt because he’s a hardass. Uminhoe had enough of that. “Nrtao, if you are going to be coming in late u gotta pass it” but norta didn’t budge except for hovering circles around the classroom

Some blonde haired bitch with shitty light blue pupil less eyes stuck a foot out and tripped his hoverboard. It didn’t actually trip his hoverboard though, it ran over her foot and narfuck just fell off anyway

“Ow!! That hurt!! Do it again ;)” naretu moaned sexually. His blunt fell on the floor so he cried like shitkamaru (a little bitch)

“listen up cuntfucks im running the show around here and if anyone has a problem with that they can go suck lil pumps tic tac dick” irukhoe screamed

Blondie Barbie blue eyed Bitch called out from the back “it’s less than a tic tac irukhoe, I know bc ive sucked it”

Irukhoe didn’t care. He was here to teach

“Today we’re going to listen to jpop, a prime example of English Japanese mashups. Who can tell me any jpop band”

“Ooh I know this!!” Ntrao screeched, activating yell no jutsu, “BIG TIME RUSH”

Irukhoe was too busy trying to crawl back in the window where he came from because he was trying to escape teaching high school 

“thats actually right wtf” uminhoe said while downing his 2nd flask full of water disguised as vodka to make him look cool

Emo assfucker was too busy sucking Orangimarus dick in the teachers lounge to see nerdro get an answer right for once in his life

meanwhile nefuckro was celebrating his w on forknife with the boys and noticed his emo slut was gone with orochimanoo, which was typical. narjuto was used to him being gone so he wasn’t bothered. it’s what happened throughout the majority of the show anyways

uminhoe had given up teaching shitbag edgelord teens for the day and snuck off to go teach the younger classes, so everyone was left alone and the class went fucking ham. and by fucking ham that means using the projector to project the best video game of all time (at least in some random dude named Bobby’s opinion): tony hawk pro skater 2

“I unlocked all skaters. I am your god now” Bobby declared. They ignored him.

Narjoe hovered into the hall, not even bothering for a hall pass. He was too cool for one so he qualified as a hall pass anyway. He hover boarded into the teachers lounge running into walls 69 times before he made it in time to see snakuke the emo whoretwink, who was STILL sucking dick. 

“Wow and to think I was going to let you borrow my limited edition paramore riot cd” boruto’s dad said while hoverboarding into the gender neutral bathrooms to cry

The pink haired girl that rardutoe never remembers was already in there crying and he had the sneaking suspicion it was for the same thing but he didn’t care about her so he went and washed his face with artisan well water and dried it with cockasshies old cum rag he found on top of one of the stall doors.

“How dare he suck dick that isn’t mine?! What, is 11 inches not satisfactory? What did he want, 12? In that case, maybe he should’ve went to subway!” Nargweto raged, crying in the mirror like a little pussy

“Are you crying about dick sucker emo fag too?” Useless pinkie uselessly asked him, while maganaging to be completely useless. She ended up on the dirty ass floor by the toilets because too much bullshit came out of her mouth so she had to stay in the bathrooms all day to avoid hitting anyone

“Fuck yes I am but why does a useless Bitch like you want to know? Fuckass school. Fuckass konoha.” Nadno slammed an ugly ass fist down, shattering the acidic water ass sink and lead pipes. It was all fun and games until kabuto climbed out of the pipe in the wall like the giant snake in the first Harry Potter movie

“could you not see I was doing business, fuckass?” the snake snarled, motioning to the countless bags of cocaine behind him. Contaminated water sprayed everywhere and everyone had rashes from it already. What is this, Flint, Michigan??

“With who” narlo asked, interested.

“With me” A voice came behind him. Nrhoe turned around to see an ugly ass dude with scars on half of his face and and eye with sharingan

“wow. You’re kind of hot” narno said, whipping out his dick for harambe. he had a thing for uchihas

Kabrotu slithered out of the pipe and took his bags of coke, sprinting out of the bathroom to the teachers lounge. It was no good because he ended up running into irukhoe in the hallway, who was running to do his warning yell. Kabrotu scattered the bags all over in the process and decided there was too much evidence so he ran back to the bathroom.

Irukhoe made sure no one was looking before taking some bags and stuffing it in his jacket.

Good one irukhoe. 

Too bad he was planning to sell it to crime lords because teachers’ salaries are shit.

Speaking of irukhoe, the bell rang. Nacho wiped his tears away and went to his next class playing ‘Gucci Gang’ from his hoverboard and furiously getting himself off pretending it was sasuke. He wore his clout goggles to hide his red eyes.

The next and final class was his elective: deeb8.

Nahrow had to walk because his hover board couldn’t take the stress of having to hear and play Gucci gang at supersonic speeds so it broke. 

“Is this what peasants felt like centuries ago?” He wondered, marveling at the use of his skinny ass toothpick legs. He decided to play every students favorite game: throw trash on the ground and leave it for the janitors to pick up.

“what kind of fucking trash ass kids leave this shit on the fucking ground? This belongs in the trash, nerds” the big tiddy principal shouted

Then some old dude who looked suspiciously like a parental figure to nerdo went up and started chasing the principal. He was too tall to be in the school so he hit his head on the ceiling even though he was like 6’2”. Naroot thought it was the gay ass little cat ears he had on his headband. 

He was after those titties.

Nazarito decided he didn’t want to watch his fuckass little bitch school konoha principal get sexually assaulted by a pervy old man so he walked to the classrom deb8 was being held at

Furfag mcbitchface emo whore was standing by the doorway because he was finally done sucking orockimooros fat cock. The other author didn’t know how to respond to that so nertfuckasso decided to walk past slutfuck emo.

Big mistake on both their parts because as soon as they accidentally touched they orgasmed. “Touch me more daddy” gnarguto cried

Emo ass cunt fuckass Bitch tripped over a bag of cocaine and landed on the floor. Nragqato tripped on furfag and fell down dramatically like the old people in the life alert commercials.

“Wow it looks like you guys have really fallen for each other! hahahahahhHahahahahhhh” tobito the retard screeched from the back of the class.

“Shut the fuck up you fucking retard” bun Bitch countered, “nobody fucking wants to hear any fucking more of that stupid ass shit that comes out of your whore mouth, cunt”

Everyone cheered for her, even the teacher, assuma, who had just arrived through the broken stained glass church window from his smoke break

Tobito ran out of the room crying. Shikamaru knew the feeling. Of crying, not running. He wasn’t about to put in that much effort.

anyways nerdo fucked his emo bitch faggot sideways in the back as everyone argued about who the best male robin was.

Nardrago stopped ducking his bitch sideways to yell “I’d fuck Tim Drake no homo” and proceeded to nail his gay emo furfuck with his two foot dick. He was a grower not a shower

“You gotta thing for black haired little twinks??” said Hidan the weirdo obsessed with religion. fuck that guy honestly. Who even let him in???

“Wow” assuma was stunned by the sheer amount of love everyone in the room held for dick grayson “excellent debate”

“Fuck me in the ass because I love jashin” Hidan said because premarital sex is a sin. Everybody disliked that.

Before anybody could start ganbanging hidan, the screeching bell went off, signaling the end of rartuo’s first day at a new high school. Tragic.

“I’m out, bitches” nogubo scremaed, mowing down students in the halls with an actual lawn mower.

He went home on the lawnmower and got into bed (not before saying goodbye to all of his new retarded ass schoolmate friends)

“I can’t wait for tomorrow so I can fuck more emo bitches” boruto muttered, his vision going a very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very dark gray

**Author's Note:**

> shikamaru is actually one of our faves sorry  
>  
> 
> dvl is awesome


End file.
